The Hideous Four Horseman

 Terror Bewilderment Frustration and Despair

The four pillars of collision . Let us bring these Horseman to life. They gallop upon us with rapacious intent. I open the gate tp these predators. I scream and cry of the misfortune i've brought myself. What have I done to deserve this?! I the bewildered one. Why?

I must suspend the question of "why?" and face the fact of these Horsemen. See, asking the question of "why?" will NEVER give me the answer. I must accept the reality of being surrounded by the hideous four horseman. If I desire freedom I must look into the black abyss thier hooded faces carry. Resistance will be fatal.

"All the Heavens, All the Hells and Gods are within you." Joseph Campbell

These Horseman are the Evil within me.

It takes courage and grit to be willing to look into the darkest, most repressed parts of our psyche.

We become dangerous when we resist and deny the evil within us. The Horsemen are powerful overwhelming forces within us that tend to push us ways we are not intent on going. St Paul says it like this “ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15 

There have been many times in my life where something internal guided my actions where I did not wish to go. This perplexed me. It can still crop up. The Horsemen gallop upon you with overwhelming predatorily intent. I kept getting pushed into a place I’d spend my days clawing from. Is it not me who opens the damn gates for the Horsemen?! Why do I abide in this torture? See, torture is subtle. I know a horror film pops into your mind when you hear the word; torture. However, in our daily life torture - self-inflicted torture - can be formless. It is a silence that only you can hear. It’s opening the gates in the middle of the night when you hear the gallop in the distance. Terror knowing the pain we’re walking back into. Bewilderment, knowing the pain is coming and still opening the gate. Frustration is my waking moments. Despair. I am left suspended in despair. These are the tormenting elements of not honoring the highest version of yourself and repressing the shadow within us. Hell? I’m not concerned with the fiery deep. I’ve lived it. It has killed my cells. It has withered my bones. My thoughts were the fire. Torment was my lot. My body lay in ashy ruin. All the heavens, all the hells and all the gods are within you. What does that mean to you? If I believe this... then I have to get radically involved with my life; here and now! I must get intimate with the Hideous Four Horseman. Resistance is the crux. When I acknowledge that I am giving despair power I can then reclaim my life. Until I have the courage to look into the darkness of those hooded figures I will continue to be driven by the shadows within me. 

“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.” – Carl Jung